


Since Day One

by lavieeenrose



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Phan Angst, Phan Fluff, Phanfiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-22
Updated: 2016-07-22
Packaged: 2018-07-26 03:13:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7557958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lavieeenrose/pseuds/lavieeenrose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan is in love with his best friend, Phil. Phil is going on a date. Dan is sad.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Since Day One

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is my first fic, so it might not be that great, but I hope you enjoy!

Being in love is hard. Being in love with your best friend is even harder. Phil is Dan’s best friend, and hes been in love with him ever since they first skyped back in 2009. Dan’s kept his feelings hidden, but sometimes he starts to think that Phil might feel something more for him too. He was probably over exaggerating Phil’s affection for him.

“Hey Dan!” Phil yelled from his room. “I’ve got some exciting news for you!”

“Ugh, what is it now Phil? Another houseplant?” Dan asked, his mind immediately going to the thought of Phil confessing his undying love and attraction for him, but Dan knew his imagination was going a little too far.

“I’ve got a date with the guy from the shop the other day!” His imagination went way too far. Of course Phil didn’t like him, he was going on a date with a stranger that they met at Tesco. A stranger, not Dan.

“Oh, that’s great,” he said, trying not to sound too disappointed.

“Yeah! I’m so excited! We’re going out tomorrow night at seven. Do you want to help me pick out what to wear?” Phil said.

“Um, maybe later? I’m actually not feeling too good right now. I think I’m just gonna go lay down for a little bit.” Dan lied. Well it’s not exactly a lie, Dan thought, I’m not feeling too great at the moment.

“Oh okay,” Phil frowned. Dan quickly walked out of Phil’s room and into his own, trying not to cry on the way there. He’s probably being dramatic and overreacting, but hes been in love with Phil for seven years, he has a very good reason to overreact. And overreact is just what he did.

“Phil is too good for you Dan. He’ll never love someone as pathetic and worthless as you.” Dan thought to himself. As much as he didn’t want to admit it, he knew it was true. Phil was perfect. Dan was trash. He was also Phil trash number one, but his stalkerish tendencies were probably another reason that Phil doesn’t like Dan. He was too awkward and Phil was adorable. Phil was like a beautiful flower, Dan was like the pesky weed that never left the flower alone. Phil was capable of doing great things whereas Dan just held him back. Phil was moving on, and Dan was stuck in the same spot, in love with his amazing best friend.

—

Phil was going on a date. He was more excited than ever, as he hadn’t been on a date in years, but he was also disappointed. He was going on a date, but he wasn’t going on a date with who he really wanted. He wanted to go on a date with his best friend, his flat mate, his soul mate (hopefully). He wanted to go on a date with Dan. He wanted to hold Dan’s hand and kiss his cheek and cuddle while watching anime and be able to hold him at night when one of them had a bad dream. But he couldn’t. Dan was as straight as a pencil, he made that clear back in 2012.

Phil was going to try to move on. There was no sense in loving someone who doesn’t love you back. Anyway, Scott from the shop was a great guy. He seemed to have an interest for Phil, which is good. Maybe they would fall in love and Phil wouldn’t have to sit around loving someone who didn’t feel the same way.

He decided to stop thinking about it and film a video for his main channel. He talked about his time at the shop, how he dropped a carton of eggs because of how clumsy he is. He left out the part where he met Scott. He also talked about how he and Dan went to the cinema and the entire time there was a small child kicking his seat. That lead to him talking about kids and how he didn’t think he wanted them because of that, but then he said that if he was to have them he knew who he wanted to be the co-parent of his children. He edited that part out.

The editing of his video was making little to no progress, so he decided to go see what Dan was up to. He told Dan about his date with Scott and then asked him to help him decide what he should wear to the date. Dan had said that he didn’t feel good but Phil couldn’t help feeling a little disappointed. Why wasn’t Dan happy for him?

Phil made his way into his best friend’s room, and found him laying in his existential crisis position, only this time on his bed instead of the carpet in the hallway. He assumed that when Dan had said he didn’t feel good he meant he mentally didn’t feel good. He was still disappointed, but Phil understood. Dan got like that sometimes, and just needed to be left alone for a little bit. Phil quietly left Dan’s room and went back to his own. Phil decided that all he wanted to do was feel sorry for himself because he couldn’t go on a date with Dan. It probably wasn’t the best idea, but he that’s what he did nevertheless.

He just lay down on his bed and thought about Dan. And why Dan would never actually want him.

“I’m like a rotten potato compared to Dan. He’s the definition of perfection and I’m disgusting.”

Phil was trying to move on, but he knew deep down that he would always be stuck in the same spot: in love with his best friend that could never love him back.

—

Dan knew Phil was in his room. Dan always felt a change in the atmosphere when he entered. Everything felt warmer, happier. But even Phil’s presence couldn’t make Dan feel any better right now. He had been in love with the older man for six years. Six. Years. He had the right to feel sad that his best friend (and major crush) was actually moving on. Moving on from Dan.

It’s not fair to Phil to think like that. You two were never actually a thing. Phil’s just trying to actually move on with his life and all I’m doing is holding him back. Way to go Dan.

When his stomach grumbled loudly is when he decided to get up. No matter how sorry he felt for himself, he still needed food. He dragged himself to the kitchen and started rummaging through the cupboards to find something to eat. Luckily, Phil wasn’t in the kitchen. Dan didn’t know if he could face talking to him.

After thoroughly looking through the cupboards multiple times with no success, Dan realised that they had no food. Well, they had food, it just all required various amounts of time and effort. Dan’s too lazy for that. He could either starve or gather up all his courage and go and convince Phil to cook with him. The first option sounded more appealing, but then Dan’s stomach growled again. He took a deep breath and made his way into his best friend’s room. Phil was laying on his bed the same way Dan previously was.

“Phil?” Dan said gently, not wanting to wake Phil if he did happen to be asleep.

“Hi Dan,” Phil replied. He rolled over to look at the younger man.

“He’s so pretty,” Dan thought. “No stop it. My feelings need to be completely 100% platonic from now on. Phil’s moving on.”

“So I’m feeling really lazy and also very hungry but the only food in the house requires major non laziness so can you come help me cook? Or could we order a pizza or something?” Shit that sounded really awkward.

“You don’t have to ask me permission to order a pizza, you spoon. But yes I will help you cook.” Phil smiled his gorgeous smile that looked like literal sunshine. God damn it Dan. Platonic.

Dan smiled back and they went into the kitchen together to find something to make. After deciding on an easy stir-fry (it really seems like they only ever make stir-fry) the start cooking the food. After lots of banter and surprisingly no injuries, they finished cooking the food and sat down to the meal together.

It wasn’t awkward at all. They cracked corny jokes every few minutes and laughed at each one, no matter how bad they are. They talked about the recent American tour and some video ideas. Phil talked about his recent video and how in his video he told about the mishap at the shop. That conversation brought up the topic of Phil’s date with the stranger, Scott.

“I’m kind of nervous,” Phil said. He did look nervous. And also rather beautiful. But that’s beside the point. Dan didn’t really want to talk about his crush’s upcoming date, but he had to be a good friend nonetheless. So he talked to Phil about it, trying as hard as he could to mask his disappointment and sadness with enthusiasm.

“I can see why. You’re going on a date with a total stranger who you know almost nothing about. I can imagine that it’ll be quite scary. He could be an ax murderer or a bee keeper or he may hate memes. Ha, you never know about strangers.” Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. That was not platonic at all. He knows now. Abort mission.

“That’s not really helping but thanks Dan.”

Way to go.

—

Dan really didn’t seem excited about his date.

“Maybe he has feelings for you? No I need to get that thought out of my head right now. Dan is the heteroest of the sexuals. He probably just doesn’t want you to move on because he doesn’t want to lose his best friend. That makes sense.” Phil thought to himself.

“Sorry, I guess I’m not the best at giving advice for dates. I haven’t been on a date since 2009 haha.” Dan said. Phil heard him mumble something under his breath, but he couldn’t make out what he was saying.

“What was that?”

“Oh, nothing. I think I’m just going to go to bed.”

“It’s not even ten o'clock though?”

“I’m not feeling it, Y'know, another existential crisis.” I’d rather be having an existential crisis than this romantic crisis I’m having right now, Phil wanted to say. He held his tongue though. He had to move on from loving his best friend.

“Okay. G'nite Dan. Sleep well.”

“Good night Phil.”

Although Phil greatly appreciated the thought of him having a good night, his night was going to be no where near good. The first thing he decided to do was look through his tumblr tag. That led to him looking through the Phan tag. Bad idea. Very bad idea. He read through the endless theories and headcanons, he looked at all the amazing fanart, and read a phanfiction or two. Oh, how he wished the fiction could be real.

After a few hours of that, he decided to try and get some sleep. Try being the keyword. He tried, but didn’t even catch a wink of sleep. He just kept thinking of Dan and his dreaded date with Scott the shop guy. He couldn’t help but wonder why Dan wasn’t happy for Phil that he had gotten a date. It had been years. Phil deserved this. He didn’t want it but he did deserve it.

Maybe Dan wasn’t excited because he wanted to be the one to go on a date with Phil, his best friend pf six years? No, Phil was getting his hopes way too far up. He could always talk to Dan about this? No there’s no sense in ruining there friendship for the sake of Phil’s childish crush.

But it’s not childish. It’s love.

It is love. It’s childish love. If an adult is in love with someone who doesn’t love them back they give up and move on. Children don’t ever give up, and frankly it can be quite annoying. Phil’s love for Dan was annoying, for both him and his best friend.

Phil finally fell asleep after thinking about the date and that maybe it was wrong and feeling sorry for himself. That night he dreamed of Dan, how pretty his hair is, his dimples, his smile, his hair, his butt. Him.

He was so far deep in love with Dan he had no idea if he could ever get out.

—

After a rather uneventful day it was almost time for Phil’s date with Shithead, or Scott as Phil refers to him. Dan didn’t even know the guy and he already hated him. Phil had asked him to help him get ready, and Dan obliged, wanting to still be a good friend for Phil.

Dan picked out an outfit that he knew Phil could pull off (Phil can pull off anything really), but didn’t really pay attention to it, as he was still disappointed that Phil was going on a date. Luckily, Phil loved the outfit and went into their bathroom to get ready.

He looked absolutely stunning. He was wearing a simple red button up shirt and black jeans (Phil always looks amazing in a red button up shirt, well, Phil always looks amazing). It was simple, but also nice enough to wear on a date.

Unable to stop himself Dan said: “Wow Phil. You look gorgeous.”

“Thanks Dan,” Phil smiled. “Well I better get going. Scott said to meet him at seven. Bye Dan!”

“Bye Phil. Have fun, not too much fun though.” Dan winked at Phil. He decided to at least try to be happy for his friend. What better way to do that than joke with him about frickle-fracking with a stranger. Ah, Phil going on a date was really messing up Dan’s brain.

When Phil left he felt even worse. He tried watching anime, reading a book, reading phanfiction, and sleeping. When none of those got his mind off Phil, he collapsed on his usual existential crisis spot on the carpet. He was having a crisis, but this time it was a romantic crisis. He thought of Phil, and how he oh so desperately wanted him for himself. He wanted him to be his. That couldn’t happen though. Phil had Scott. Dan ended up falling asleep with the thought of Phil on his mind.

—

“Dan I’m home!” Phil called out. He had just gotten back from his date with Scott the shop guy. It wasn’t the best date ever.

“Oh hi. How was your date with Stan?” Dan replied from the floor. Phil just realised that Dan was laying in his existential crisis spot on the floor.

“It was, uh, great. Best date I’ve ever had.” Phil lied. It was probably actually the worst date he’d ever had, but Dan didn’t need to know that. Scott was mean in person and never let Phil talk about anything. When Phil tried to talk he just cut him off and said that the stuff he was talking about was “too weird for his liking.” He also only wanted to talk about sports. Dan wasn’t like that at all. Maybe that’s why he’s in love with Dan and not Scott.

“Oh,” Dan mumbled. “Good for you.”

Phil was getting sick of Dan acting like this. “Okay Dan. What is your problem? I go on a date with one guy and you get all dreary and distant. Worse than when you’re having an existential crisis.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Yes it does, Dan. Just talk to me.”

“Why don’t you go talk to Stan?”

“Scott.”

“Yeah. Whatever the arse’s name is.”

“Why do you think he’s an arse Dan? You don’t even know the guy.”

“Just because Phil. I’m going to bed.”

“No. You’re going to talk to me about what’s bothering you. Do you think I’m going to get a boyfriend or something and just leave you behind? I’ll always be your best friend, Dan.”

“It’s not that. There’s more, but I don’t feel like talking about it. Not now or ever. I’ll just have to get over it.”

“Dan.”

“I’m in love with someone. Who doesn’t love me back.”

Dan loves someone? Does he love Phil? No. He probably loves Cat or Louise or someone else. Someone that is a girl. Dan is straight.

“Okay. Let’s go sit in the lounge so we can be comfortable while talking. This isn’t very comfortable and it’s not helping.”

They walked to the lounge with Phil’s arms around Dan. It felt nice. It felt right. Maybe it was right. Maybe Dan did love him. They could be boyfriends and kiss and hold hands and get married and have kids and grow old together. Maybe they could.

“I’m assuming you want me to tell you who it is, but I’d rather not do that so I can just describe them to you instead?” Dan asked, his voice a little shaky.

“Whatever you’re comfortable with. I’ll be your best friend no matter who you’re in love with.” Phil assured Dan.

“Well for starters he’s perfect.” So Dan likes a boy. Hmm.

“Okay…”

“He has the prettiest hair and smile and eyes and everything about him is amazing. Literally everything is amazing. I guess that’s why they call him AmazingPhil.”

Phil felt his face turn bright red and butterflies erupt in his stomach like volcanoes. Dan loved him. Dan loved Phil. Phil loved Dan. They loved each other. They could be boyfriends and hold hands and kiss and get married and have kids and grow old together. They could do it. They could. But… Dan thought Phil liked Scott. Dan didn’t know that he was in love with him too. Dan didn’t know that he wasn’t actually moving on.

Phil’s voice decided to fail him at that moment so all he let out was a faint squeak instead of words. Way to go, Phil. Not saying anything was probably the wrong thing to do because Dan’s face fell.

“I-I understand that you don’t feel the same way. I just thought that you deserve to know because you’re moving on now. I do love you though Phil. So, so much. I always have.” His voice cracked.

Phil didn’t say anything, so Dan continued. “I guess this ruined our friendship, but had to tell you. I’ll love you even if we’re not friends Phil. Even if you don’t love me back I love you Phil. Or, if it makes you uncomfortable I can try to move on as well. So you don have to deal with me.”

“I’ve dealt with you for seven years. Why stop now?” Phil said, as he leaned closer to the younger man and slowly kissed his soft lips. It was the best thing Phil had ever decided to do. Dan pulled him closer and wrapped his arms around Phil’s neck, deepening the kiss. They were now as close as physically possible, if not closer. They kissed for what seemed like forever, but also no time at all, only stopping to breathe. When they finally separated their lips they rested their foreheads together, staring into each others eyes.

“I thought you liked the guy from the shop? What happened to him?” Dan questioned.

“I was just trying to stop loving you. I thought you were straight. Also I might have lied when I told you about the date. It was terrible.”

“Y-you actually love me? You love me back?”

“I always have. Ever since day one.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?!”

“You made it pretty clear back in 2012 that you’re straight. No-homo Howell, remember?”

“I remember. I was just in denial. I didn’t think I could ever be in love with a guy, but here I am. In love with Philip Michael Lester.”

“And I am in love with Daniel James Howell.”

“We are so cheesy.”

“Yeah we are.” Dan leaned towards Phil and kissed him again.

“Does that make you my boyfriend?”

“I don’t know, does it?”

“I sure hope so.” They kissed again. And again. After that Phil stopped counting. He doesn’t need to count when he can kiss his Dan whenever.

“I think it does. I love you Dan. So much. Since day one.”

“And I love you, Phil. Since day one.”

And they kissed again, feeling the happiest they’ve ever been before.


End file.
